It's The End Of The World As We Know It

Or is it? It’s really up to you. According to Mayan prophesy tomorrow is the last day of the world. I would like to follow that with .......As We Know It, borrowing from the song title of one of my favorite bands, R.E.M. I am guessing tomorrow will look like any other day -  on the surface. But it can be your greatest opportunity to leave behind  what you know no longer serves your highest and most marvelous self. It can be the end of the negative self-talk, self-judgment and conditioning, that keeps you from listening to, and living from, your heart. Really? Yes! And there is not a magic wand in sight.

How do we do this?  It takes effort, and a commitment from us, to turn our backs on our old ways of thinking and open up to a bigger consciousness and love energy that is breaking through - from inside. You can start by simply noticing what you are thinking. Energy follows thought. Interrupt your thoughts  with a breath (infuse it  with warmth and kindness towards yourself), and then see how long you can follow your breath, before your thoughts start bullying their way back in again. Don’t be hard on yourself, if it’s not too long! It takes practice and practice simply means noticing. Psychologists reckon we can hold a thought for about three seconds, before we start thinking about what we are thinking about, and run on to the next thought and the next one and so and so on. A phenomenon often referred to as monkey mind. Sound familiar? You can help break that old cycle, by taking a stand against your habitual way of thinking, getting curious about what you don’t know, and opening to the possibility that life is a lot bigger than anything you could ever figure out, in your head. 

 As we approach the Winter Solstice, the sun will be at its lowest point in the sky, and it will be the darkest day of the year. An incredible day to turn inside and listen to the whisperings of your heart and soul, with your breath leading the way - instead of your thoughts. This is a visionary time. I invite you to use it well. Set aside some part of the day and reflect on what ideas, attitudes, memories, actions, environments and people you may need to be let go of, so you can shine into the world  - like you were born to. What old patterns need to end in your life, so you can make room for a new beginning based on LOVE? What do you want the next part of your life to look like? It starts with learning how to embrace yourself with compassion, opening your heart, and being willing not to know what is next - trusting that LOVE is behind it all. I implore you to be patient and kind with yourself during this rapid time of change, and the shocking transformation, that can take place internally first, if you are willing. Change can be scary, and when we start feeling uncomfortable our initial reaction can be to rush back to what we do know - even though it is limiting. Use the energies of this sacred solstice time to propel you forward into the yet to be discovered horizons of your heart and soul. Resist the temptation to know so much. It can be the beginning of a whole new life - as your true self. 

I would like to share with you a brief excerpt from my book, Third Time Lucky: A Creative Recovery around this subject of endings and beginnings. (It’s due out in February 2013!)

Here is a sneak preview of the cover:

“It’s cancer. I am sorry.” 

He said it so fast. I didn’t cry—there would be plenty of time for that later. I just looked at the three of them in disbelief. How could he tell me that when I finally had a new plan? I let out a sigh that felt like it had been trapped forever. “What does that mean now?” I asked, digging my nails into my sweaty fists, so afraid of what he would say next. Would I die this time?

He said it meant I had to have surgery right away to remove my right breast completely. There was no room for protest. They would give me the strongest and meanest chemotherapy they could this time—no more pretending it was okay. This cancer was obviously aggressive, and that’s how they were going to treat it. They would call me on Monday and schedule more tests to determine if it had spread. The consultation was over. This time, my question changed from, “How quickly can I get back to normal?” to “How long do I have to live?” 

When I left the hospital, I went directly back to my apartment and pushed track number three on the stereo again. “It’s the End of the World as We Know It (And I Feel Fine)” blared out from the speakers, filling the room, but I didn’t jump around as I normally did when I heard that song. Instead, I sat on the floor, still in my suit, and looked down at my perfectly balanced breasts. The world as I knew it ended that day, and strangely, I did feel fine. I silently promised myself that there would be no going back to normal. I figured normal wasn’t so great anyway, since it had brought me to a third diagnosis of cancer.

I knew life had to be different. There would be no more warnings. I had to pay attention 

and start listening to my body, my dreams, and my soul. However, I had no idea how to 

do that. 

I am excited to share more of this story with you, and invite you into the relationship of untying the knots that keep you stuck in your own story. 

In the meantime, stay tuned to your heart, and trust in LOVE. You are worth it.....

Solstice Blessings to YOU!

Love,

Pasha

p.s. Check out  R.E.M to help celebrate! 

REM : Celebrate end of the old way!

Leave It Behind

I have always been intrigued by the opening lines of David Whyte’s poem Tilicho Lake:

 “From this high place it is as simple as this

   Leave everything you know behind.” 

I don’t know about you, but I don’t think that “leaving everything you know behind” is a simple thing. In fact, it is virtually impossible without a strong spiritual practice and the intervention of grace. However, we can start by leaving behind what we know no longer serves us. The habits, negative self talk, desires, attachments, fears and seductive memories that keep us stuck in the past, living half a life and wondering why we are not moving forward.

Since I can remember it has been my nature, or at least what I thought was my nature, to want to accumulate experiences and to expand. Often I’ve learned the hard way, that I can’t bring everything with me, or experience everything all at once. My lessons have ranged from being charged “excess baggage” on flights, to clinging on to relationships and lifestyles that were simply no longer in alignment with the path of my soul.

Expansion can’t happen without first letting go. Neither can moving forward into a new life. We must be willing to surrender what we think we know, in order to create room for what we don’t know. Historically, my letting go has not been smooth – “kicking and screaming” would be a better way to describe the process. On reflection, it has been my resistance to letting go that has caused me the most suffering. I see this when I work with people too and I often hear things like, “ But it’s too painful to let go!”

The Indian sage Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj has some wise words to offer on this subject:

”Pain is physical; suffering is mental. Beyond the mind there is no suffering. Pain is merely a signal that the body is in danger and requires attention. Similarly, suffering warns us that the structure of memories and habits, which we call the person, is threatened by loss or change. Pain is essential for the survival of the body, but none compels you to suffer. Suffering is due entirely to clinging or resisting; it is a sign of our unwillingness to move on, to flow with life.”

Today may be the day to inquire into your own suffering. What thinking, habits or people are you resisting letting go of? Do you know? My guess is that you probably do know, but the resistance to admitting it is so great, that we often settle for something safe, even if it doesn’t feel right.

Ten years ago I was at a U2 concert at Slane Castle in Ireland when I realized just how powerful the message “Leave It Behind” could be. To follow is a brief excerpt from my forthcoming book describing the experience:

All the lights were turned down, it got strangely quiet, and out of the silence and darkness, the words: “Leave it behind, Leave it behind, leave it behind, leave it behind, LEAVE IT BEHIND, LEAVE IT BEHIND, LEAVE IT BEHIND………”  burst out into the crowd, from the screen behind the band. I stood still, dumbfounded, staring at the words. They caught me off guard and I let them pour into me. I felt as if God had opened up the sky and delivered me a personal message, in spite of the 80,000 people who were also there. Then Bono started slowly singing, “And I know it aches and your heart breaks, You can only take so much….Walk On.” Then the whole crowd started singing “ALLELUIAH!”, over and over again like a mantra. That was it for me. I swear it was one of the strongest and clearest spiritual awakenings I had ever had in my entire life and it didn’t happen in a temple or in a church or while I was meditating. It happened, in the middle of a field, at a rock concert.

Tears started streaming down my sunburned and freckled face. I knew it was time for me to walk on and into the next part of my life and leave behind the way I thought my life was supposed to look like. It was time to walk on and leave behind all the ideas I had constructed over my life of whom I was and what I thought I had to do to be happy and successful. Leave behind the idea that I had to do anything just because I put a lot of time and energy into it and just because I thought I should or somebody told me I was good at it. Leave behind the concerned and disapproving looks of friends and family who only wanted what was best for me. The only thing I couldn’t leave behind was my heart and my intuition, which I had started to value, trust and listen to more than ever. It was time to leave behind playing it safe.

That experience contributed in changing the course of my life. It wasn’t a one off deal though. The process of letting go and leaving things behind is ongoing. It is easy to get caught up in more suffering as soon as we think we have already let go; only to discover we are now clinging on to a new idea of how life is supposed to go!

Nature mirrors this to us in a beautiful way. Right now the aspens, high in the Sangre De Cristo Mountains in Santa Fe, are turning from green to yellow. This magnificent display will only last for a few weeks before the leaves fall to the ground, forming a golden carpet along the steep and winding mountain trails. The discarded leaves will nourish the soil for new life to follow. It is hard to imagine that beauty will appear again from the lonely looking naked branches. But it will – that is the promise of nature.

That is promise at the end of the opening poem too:

“Those who come with empty hands will stare into the lake astonished. There, in the cold light reflecting pure snow, is the true shape of your own face. “

 Some things to ponder:

Where in your life are you playing it safe?

What attitudes or beliefs are no longer serving your highest self?

What do you imagine it would look like if you just let go?

Happy Autumn Equinox Everyone!

With Love, Pasha 

Poison Arrows

The last few months have been full of travels, both outward and inward bound, from teaching on the East and West coasts, to silent reflection during personal and spiritual retreats. As a result “the Blog” had taken a back seat. Well, it’s back! I am excited to share with you some insights and seeds that have been germinating in my heart. My hope is that they cross over into your own heart, where you can have your own personal relationship with them.

One of my recent travels brought me to a spiritual community in the mountains of northern Colorado where I participated in a five day intensive called, “The Mysterium: In the Truest Sense of The Word”. Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estes, a brilliant Jungian analyst, poet, cantadora and author of one of my favorite books, Women Who Run With The Wolves, led it. It was a deeply rich experience, and one I will continue to integrate, both personally and professionally, for some time. We delved into dream analysis, fairytales, “the shadow”, and explored the effect of  “introjects”, also referred to as ”poison arrows”, and the effect they can have on our lives – especially when we are not aware of them. It is an area that fascinates me. Over the years I have worked extensively with extracting my own poison arrows, as well as helping clients to identify and work with theirs. 

I think we would all agree that poison does not serve our physical, mental, emotional or spiritual wellbeing. No one deliberately takes poison unless they intentionally want to hurt them self. However, poison can come in many disguises.

 Unfortunately, most of us are spoon fed poison, ingesting it unconsciously from birth, in the form of ancestral, familial, generational and cultural conditioning. Very often the people feeding us the poison are totally unaware that they are doing so, and if confronted would deny it venomously. Problems arise when the messengers (archers) do not question the messages they have received and then pass them on. It’s our job to start questioning.

These messages can be likened to arrows that get lodged into our very being. Falsehoods form, take root and hide out in the deepest and darkest parts of our body, mind and spirit, where they secretly control us, contributing to habits and relationships that do not serve our life and soul’s purpose.

We begin to develop a belief system around the falsehoods that tell us things like: you are not worthy, it’s not safe to be who you are, no one loves you, don’t trust anyone, something is wrong with you….the list is endless and cruel.

The good news is: You don’t have to take your poison arrows for granted any longer!

Here are some steps you can work with to remove them:

1. Identify what your “poison arrows” are.  Be as honest as you can with yourself.
2. Get curious about how they got there. Be as specific as possible. This is not about blaming any one. It is about understanding your thinking and behaviors and ultimately freeing your self.
3. Pull it out!
4. Allow yourself the time to feel the hurt and pain of the wound. Be excessively kind and gentle with your self. Please don’t rush past this step,  it can take a while to heal, depending on how deep the wound is.
5. Forgive whoever put it there. By forgiveness I mean, “I am no longer willing to carry around this pain any longer,”

This process requires great courage, strength and compassion. So please be gentle, be kind, and be ruthless in your quest to uncover, remove and heal your poison arrows. It can be very helpful to have a “compassionate witness”, someone you can trust, to share your sorrow and your joy with.

Be warned, your life will change!

We are all waiting for you to shine out into the world like you were born to.

Start today.

Fear Factor

Do you know what stops you from living your bliss and shining out into the world, like you were born to? 

For many of us it’s fear. Fear of getting it wrong and venturing into the darkness of the unknown. So we turn away from our hopes and dreams and settle for something that we do know. Unconsciously, we begin to act out of that unsettled feeling, because we know there is more to life. I have discovered in my own recovery, where there is great fear, there is great potential. 

All life, all color, all of creation was born from the darkness. Just like a wishing well. We look down, it’s dark, we can't see the bottom, but we know the source of all life, water, is springing from the dark ground. So what do we do? We pull out a coin, make a wish, throw it down  and walk away. We leave our dreams and wishes at the bottom of the darkness and get on with our lives. 

David Whyte’ poem relays this idea beautifully.

The Well of Grief

Those who will not slip beneath

the still surface on the well of grief

turning down to its black water

to the place that we can not breath

will never know

the source from which we drink

the secret water cold and clear

nor find in the darkness

the small gold coins

thrown by those who wished for something else.

- David Whyte

What are your gold coins/treasures? 

What dreams and desires do they symbolize? What coins have you thrown away because it's too uncomfortable to venture into the unknown territory of your heart and soul? 

When it gets too uncomfortable NOT to venture into the unknown then you know you are making progress! The funny thing that I have discovered is that the closer I get to my fears the less control they have over me. Like the fear of writing a blog! When I bring them in close and go towards them I usually discover that I AM BIGGER than the fear. I have no doubt that you are much bigger than any fear that is holding you back from uncovering and discovering your own MAGNIFICENCE!

"Do one thing everyday that scares you."  - Eleanor Roosevelt 

Go on! Try it, this is mine for today.........

Love, Pasha

Love Letters

Valentine's Day has come and gone. The roses have withered and the memory of the chocolates linger only on our  hips and thighs. But where is the love?
Hopefully, you realize it's right inside your heart, longing for you to notice and turn inwards. It's so easy to forget.

Here is a love poem for YOU, to remind you to slow down, soften your gaze and get to know the stranger in the mirror - who has  been waiting for you your whole life.

Love After Love

The time will come

when, with elation, you will greet yourself arriving

at your own door, in your own mirror,

and each will smile at the others welcome.

And say, sit here. Eat.

You will love again the stranger who was yourself.

Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart

to itself, to the stranger who has loved you

all your life, whom you ignored for another, who

loves you by heart.

Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,

the photographs, the desperate notes,

peel your own image from the mirror.

Sit. Feast on your life.

- Derek Walcott

WRITING A LOVE LETTER TO YOURSELF

Could you imagine what it would look like to enter into a kinder and softer relationship with yourself? Imagine you are a person in love with yourself right now. Not “when” something happens or “if only” something would change . Just for today, imagine the kind of relationship you could have with yourself if you loved and valued yourself now.

I invite you to sit down and write yourself a “love letter.” Write from your heart, from your soul - this could be the most powerful and loving gift you can give to your self. Don’t over think it, just sit down and write. Give yourself fifteen minutes, don’t lift your hand from the page and write with reckless abandon. No one else ever has to see it. This is for you. Go!

 Then place it in an envelope, seal it and mail it to yourself. This is an important part of the process. Mail it and see what it feels like to receive it. I have done this at different times in my life and I keep my love letters close to me. I reread them, to remind myself when I forget. 

Don't forget to mail it to yourself! This is an important part. I would love to know what it felt like for you, to write it and receive it, so don't be shy and let us know how you get on! 
Loving Vibes.....Pashax

Just For Today

Starting any new relationship can be daunting, especially one with ourselves! It’s often temping to start future tripping and slip into habitual, negative self-talk, which, after all,  only serves the purpose of keeping you stuck. Talk like, “What if it does’t work?” “What if I am no good?” “ What if I am not creative?” Heads up folks - almost every single person I have worked with has announced to me, off the bat, that they are not creative, including myself. So what if, “just for today,” you could suspend the negative self talk and try something else instead?

A few years back, while struggling to my forthcoming book "Third Time Lucky: A Creative Recovery", I put together the Just For Today Principles. They have become principals that guide my day to day life. Since then I  have shared them with countless numbers of people, who have found them to be helpful companions on their journeys. 

Noticing a habit, thought or feeling doesn’t always require us to analyze it, figure it out or judge it.Whenever I notice my inner critic creeping in, I use one, some or all of these (depending on how loud it is) to keep me grounded in the moment and to help me remember it’s only my critic - it’s not me!  The following “Just for Today” principals can accompany you on your journey too. 

Just for today…….

∞

I am breathing in warmth & kindness towards myself

∞

I am excessively gentle with myself

∞

I am greeting my reflection with a softened gaze

∞

I am giving myself permission to make beautiful mistakes

∞

I am my own compassionate witness

∞

Prefacing each affirmation with “just for today” brings it right into the now and that is where our power is. 
“Just for today” is manageable and possible, very often “always” and “forever” are not! I suggest you write them down on postcards and put them places you will see them, to remind yourself -  to stop! My “Just for Today” cards have been taped to my bathroom mirror, desk and refrigerator over the years, and there is one by my side as I write this now! 
I suggest you personalize them and make them your own. Which one speaks to you the most? Maybe you can make up your own. I'd love to hear yours! Please share them with us. I'd love to hear from you!